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eXTReMe Tracker
Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Poop Stew

I've been having a ho-hum couple of days and therefore am going to vent for a second. Then, I will use my tactic of listing happy things to turn things around.

I have a lot going on, and at the same time, not very much. I am living in limbo land. Dancing a line that straddles exhilaration, apathy, fear, hopefulness, happiness, and craziness. Most days I wake up into a total unknown, which I love. I don't know what the day is going to be like and I don't know where it will take me. My life has become pretty unpredictable and in all honesty, it's frickin' fun. But from that instability, also comes a fair share of down time where I get bored.

In all my self discovery as of late, I find that I am easily bored. What's weird is that I have plenty of things to do. The to-do list in my brain borders on endless. But when I get into this bored state, I get all edgy, unfocused, and antsy. Even when I'm in the middle of a workout, I'll get distracted and it takes every ounce of motivation to get myself back into it. (Especially after I've randomly and almost unknowingly shoved some kind of food down my throat.)

I'm trying to pin-point the toxic things in my life and eliminate them. You know what's funny? When you think you've zeroed in on one, you have this initial fear of pulling the trigger, but after that, there's this freedom and relief that overcomes, knowing that you just did something good for yourself. And from that, the biggest lesson I've learned is one that's been out there forever. Whatever scares you, is usually the thing you should do, or at least take on.

There is huge change for me on the horizon. What it is, I do not know. When exactly it's coming, I do not know. I do know that I am ready. Am I scared? Fuck, yes. Am I excited? Fuck yeah! Do I know what I want? Not really. But I know what I *don't* want. And in way, I'd rather know that rather than know exactly what I want.

And in HappyKap fashion, I'm going to try and do it with big steaming pile of humor and optimism.

9:52 AM                       1 Comments


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